Here’s what I put together:
At 5am this morning, a “drunken naked guy” used a sock full of rocks to shatter the glass on the front door, and stormed inside to eat “all the pastries”. Police responded and found the guy running around the store, resisting arrest. He had feathers in his hair and an American flag… although it wasn’t explained to me if this was a large or small flag, or where it was placed (or, perhaps, raised). The cops had to use rubber bullets and a beanbag shotgun to subdue him.
After relaying this tale, a Barista chimed in, “In spite of what happened, they still let me come to work today.” Oh, those Baristas can be so witty. All expressed disappointment that they haven’t been allowed to see the whole thing as captured on surveillance cameras.