All Trees Must Be Destroyed

As anyone who lives in Los Angeles knows, trees are terrible awful things that we as a city have the G-d given right duty to cut down, smash up, tear out and burn down. And if I may say so, it is about fucking time that our city hall has taken the great initiative to reduce the horrid oxygen producing scourge that are trees which have scarred the great park of Griffith for so many years. Not only has the park experience been lessened over the years by the unchecked breeding of these rooted vermin, but a dearth of pavement has prevented both the young and old from feeling the great comfort only tarmac can bring to the human stride.

If you think that is bad, did you know that Griffith park doesn’t even have a single aerial tramway, I mean what kind of a podunk backwater hick town park doesn’t have a gondola to speed its visitors happily hither and yon throughout the park attractions. Would you believe it if I told you that to get the best view from the highest point in the park you actually have to hike up a hiking trail, what kind of sick twisted planner would build a mountain you have to hike up to get to the top?

And let’s talk about congestion, Penelope and I visited the park on a busy 4th of July weekend where we found a huge line of people waiting for the zoo, the parking lot nearly full and there was no problem with congestion or traffic thanks to the many entrances the park currently has, but that is no reason that the roads all shouldn’t be widened, structures moved and roundabouts to be created to ease the nonexistent traffic problem.

One of the worst problems that plagues Griffith park along with most of Los Angeles is the glut of free parking that currently exists, but thankfully the forward thinkers at City Hall have figured out how to avoid this by building parking structures where there are now parking lots and installing “parking management systems” as not to miss out on this important revenue generator known as paid parking.


All sarcasm aside, the parks planning people at city hall have collectively thrown a big fat rock of crack into their pipes and smoked it and if we don’t do something about it our city’s treasure will be radically altered and not in a good way. You can help by reading the 194 page Griffith Park Master Plan (which is still a working document as evidenced by the Lorem Ipsum intro) which can be found here, contacting the mayor, and signing the petition which can be found on the Save Griffith Park website. [Thanks to and for the tips and sarcastic inspiration]

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