It’s been a long time since any of us here in The City of Angels picked on of our dear brothers and sisters down in The OC.
I intend to take a break from CROC WATCH!!11 to correct this terrible oversight, right now.
It appears that, in the venerable Newport Harbor, a group of seals are wreaking havoc on residents and boats. A “rogue sea lion” allegedly flipped over a sea kyak, in what is being called “a shocking and horrible example of harbor rage,” and a rowdy group of fifteen sea lions managed to sink a local’s fifty-foot sailboat. Recovering the vessel cost the sailboat owner $3500 (or about eighteen cents, in non-fifty-foot-sailboat-owning dollars.)
So what is The OC doing to help save The OC from this horrible crisis in The OC?
To protect themselves, some boat owners have strung barricades made of wire and milk carton around their crafts. Harbor officials are considering using underwater firecrackers, predator sounds, scarecrows and hiring a “sea lion shooer” to walk around banging a stick on the docks to disturb them.
We’ve got an abundance of people up here in Los Angeles who walk around banging sticks together, The OC, so if you’d like to borrow one, have one of your assistants give us a call, and we’ll get it set up.
(For the record, The OC, we from Los Angeles did not plant the loveable little sea lions in your harbor, I swear. I think I heard The 909 talking about it, though, so you may want to hop into your luxury SUV and drive up the 15 and see what you can find. Good luck!)