Tom Cruise tells a Toronto Paper what everyone already knows: He is fucking nuts.
Tom Cruise noted that he is “old beyond reckoning.” What’s more, his current life is “probably one of the least satisfying” he has led.
“I was much happier in previous existences when I wrote plays, composed music, conquered nations, discovered continents, and developed cures for diseases,” said Tom Cruise.
Cruise said he became aware that he “had been here before,” when he read the complete works of Shakespeare in a month, despite being dyslexic, not long after dropping out of high school.
“Shakespeare was deja vu for me,” said Tom Cruise. “It was so cool. I felt as if I had seen his words already, knew them all by heart. Then, after I began studying scientology, I realized the words had come from my heart in a previous life. That’s why I say that as glorious and enviable as my present life is, making “War of the Worlds” and all those other great movies can’t compare to writing “Romeo and Juliet” or the sonnets.
Uhh . . . your work can’t compare to writing “Romeo and Juliet” or the sonnets because Shakespeare had something you won’t ever have: talent.
Mr. Cruise, I have studied Shakespeare. I have performed Shakespeare. William Shakespeare was a friend of mine, and you, sir, are no William Shakespeare. You are, in fact, an over-rated hack with a bizarre cult-like following that Earth’s finest scientists are unable to explain.
Go hop around on a couch some more, talk out of your ass about mental health professionals, and enjoy your “glorious and enviable” life, while those of us who live in the real world laugh at you, you fucking lunatic.
In the immortal words of Gilda Radner (who I was in a previous life), “never mind.”