My name is Will… and I’m a capaholic. I had it under control I tell you. Sure, Pepsi and Apple are at it again like they were in 2004, awarding a free iTunes download with one out of every three specially marked bottles of Diet Pepsi, but this time I was sure I wasn’t going to get hooked. Not like last year when I became a free song junkie who’d go into withdrawal every time I’d twist off a rejecting “Please Play Again.” Back then I got a late start and only accumulated something like 10 codes. And the shit was I’d go to the iTunes store and never be able to choose anything. It was like finding money outside a Target and going crazy not being able to decide what to get with it! So when it came down to the inevitable use ’em/lose ’em date I ended up throwing ’em all at a Moby album ó one I later found I already had on disc. That’s when a powerful voice inside me thundered “NO MORE!”
I swear I started off strong a couple weeks ago when the first bottle beckoned me with its bright yellow cap. And I’d probably have stayed the course if that first one hadn’t been a winner, but I twisted it off and with the bubbly psssssssssh sounding like the roar of a crowd I cautiously looked underneath to find the beautiful words “Free Song” below the sacred 10-digit code that granted me a blessed pass into the iTunes kingdom. Gone was any recollection of the music buyer’s frustration I suffered. Vanished was any remembrance of all the caffeine spiking I did to my system. Forgotten was the personal congratulations direct from Pepsi’s CEO for me singlehandedly helping them beat their third-quarter sales projections. Instead, a powerful voice inside me thundered “OH HELL, HERE WE GO AGAIN!” And I was back where I wanted to be all along.
Like Gollum with The Ring, I coveted that first cap. And to date I’ve collected 20 more of my preciouses. With a little luck and many more bottles to cross before the game ends next month I’ll be able to get that Moby album I’ve always wanted. Again. And again.