What to do when Officer EstÛmago Grumblelito comes knockin’ on your door with a warrant for your arrest for the crime of negligence of your hunger pangs, and all you have is a Alexander Hamilton to post bail? Most Angelenos think of late night greasy spoon diners or fast food joints after the clock ticks past 11pm on weeknights, serving the same fries, burgers and pies found throughout the city. So what is one to do when the blue plate special ain’t cutting it? Just a hop, skip and a jump from most anywhere in Los Angeles is a multitude of korean restaurants, almost all planted within tightly packed minimalls along Vermont, Western and Olympic in Koreatown. Quite a few open to the wee hours of the night, offering the night owl gourmand a place to take roost for an hour or two and take care of the stomach rumblings. In the late night hours, kids are coming back from noraebang (karaoke bars) or big clubbing venues strewn throught the amorphous confines of Koreatown, and are often looking to satiate their hunger on the cheap. Korean food is as downright comfort food as asian food can get, and places like Hodori offer late night patrons an assortment of popular and decently executed home-style korean dishes for prices comparable to Denny’s. Two could share a heaping sizzling plate of korean bbq beef with onions (bulgogi) with rice and the accompanying panchan (think korean tapas) for about $6 per/person. A personal favourite is dolsot bibimbap, literally “mixed up rice”, a sizable serving of rice topped with an assortment of vegetables, roots, mushrooms, meats and a cracked egg on top. Its all served in a scorching hot cast iron bowl (I know, cuz I burned my finger accidentally touching one tonite) that crisps the rice and cooks the egg. You mix it all up with a dollop of hot red bean paste (for those who fancy themselves down with the caliente), and eat yourself silly full, until the near end when you reach a layer of crisped cooked rice which is meant to be scraped off after soaking with added cold water. Yes, some of this sorta dining can be a bit culturally insider in nature. But don’t worry, any dining mistakes are more likely to be greeted with grins than disapproving glances from the waitstaff, and they will make efforts to point your way to becoming a hardened veteran in K-Town dining. Other newbie friendly menu choices include dduk bokee, a slightly spiced cylindrical rice cake that is a favourite amongst children for its soft-chewy texture. Bite-sized mandoo are steamed dumplings that taste delicious with a dip of soy sauce and rice wine vinegar. And if you’re feeling a bit chilly, give a bubbling pot of soon tofu(tofu hotpot) or yook gae jiang(korean spicy beef soup with noodles) a gander. More adventurous diners can taste the spicy korean version of calamari and realize tentacles can taste delicious even when not fried. Just be sure to have some Altoids ready afterwards….korean food stays with you, literally, for hours afterwards.

Hodori 1001 S. Vermont Ave, just south of Olympic Blvd. 213.383.3554

JozJozJoz points out that “Trading Spaces” is coming to LA and looking for victims. Did I say victims? I meant contenstants, or whatever the hell you call it. People to let some other people come redecorate their house. Good luck.

Looking at photos of cute girls in cute haircuts, I ask sandwich what she thinks of this one picture. She randomly meows because I don’t think she really knows what I’m talking about – she is a cat after all.

Driving to little tokyo to pick up some conditioner and the latest issue of mini magazine, there’s an older white man and his same age asian companion driving to the right of me – they in their white vintage corolla of some sort with the silver christian fish badge stuck on the trunk. Than some other old white guy driving the opposite (!) direction, rolls down his window and yells out in his quivering voice “hey you mudder fucker!”. I’m like huh? And than the third white guy to the left of me starts mad dogging daggers at the first white guy. What exactly is going on here. Not wanting to be caught in the middle of some depends rival gang war, I speed off in my big 108 horse power x-a. Just another sunday afternoon in la.

Thank god sandwich just meows.

January is typically viewed as a bad month in Los Angeles for art shows…it’s after the holidays so people are usually tired and broke. Fortunately though, this does not deter galleries from keeping their doors open and launching a new exhibit. So here are three events that are happening at the end of this week…

Michael O’Mally at cherrydelosreyes opens on Saturday, January 10th. Please check the site or call to double-check the times on the opening (although I’m sure it’s the general 8-10 pm deal). I really like the folks who run cherrydelosreyes and their openings are always a good time. Good art too.

Frank Kozik “FTW” at La Luz de Jesus on Friday night (8-11 pm). This should be your typical Kozik/poster art feel fanfare.

Martin McMurray opens Saturday the 10th at Susanne Vielmetter Los Angeles Projects. I’m not 100% what this show entails as her website is not up-to-date but I’ve heard nothing but good things about this space and it’s a great chance to check out her new location on Washington Blvd. in Culver City. What’s up with Culver City attracting so many galleries?? I guess that’s another post!

I want to be a food model. Food is much more delicious than import cars, as very scientific studies have shown. Sex sells and food must be sold (well, actually, I guess it’s more important to buy food or else you’ll starve, but whatever. Why you gotta be so anal about this anyway?) so I think food ads should feature more skanky Asian women in lowrider jeans and scanty tops. I mean, doesn’t seeing a young woman with thick brown lipliner and severely highlighted hair just say “eat me” in multiple ways? What is a better match than a string bikini and a steaming plate of pot roast? Seriously, that’s hot. And that way, you can have calendars with not just filthy skanks, but also lots of pretty foods with the food stats along the side. People will read more about what they’re eating, import models can moonlight in food modeling when they’re not busy answering questions about themselves, and pubescent boys have something else to whack off to instead of back issues of Gen13 and Witchblade. Everyone wins!

Damn, where’s my Jordana lipliner??

This, via uber-publicists/party girls Apple & Audrey: Les Deux Cafe has closed its doors. I liked Les Deux, it always felt like a party, moving from the oleander and cigarette smoke of the garden, through the dining room (there was Rod Stewart, alone in a booth looking plump, with a glossy, expectant gaze), to the piano bar, where years ago my friend Phillip Littell played; he had a libretto he was working out; owner Michele Lamy said, work it here. A petite, sloe-eyed Frenchwoman who favored Morticia Adams sheaths and Frankenstein boots, Lamy once walked me over the floor joists of the soon-to-open cafe and explained her vision: harem girls, horses running through flames, artists every night.
Now, Apple and Audrey are looking for a new location for Cachet, and are taking suggestions.

So who doesn’t wanna be a import model. You stand around all day behind a booth or next to a fixed up japanese car in low rider jeans and skimpy tops while people buy your photos and get your autograph. I wanna be an import model. Lot of my friends have at least a 3.2 mega pixel digital camera so I’ll have them take some pictures and I’ll be on my way. I also notice that they have their own websites and have faq’s. Like I guess I should have one too so you know my favorite color and other important things like that. So here we go.

Where can I find nude pictures of you?
You can’t. I’m not ashamed of my body but my penis seems to look as if it always just came out of a cold pond in alaska. So I don’t think that makes a good pic. And I haven’t decided to appeal to that weird niche market who might get off on that.

Where can I find pictures of you in general?
You might try old issues of giant robot magazine or the tony hawk gigantic skateboard tour dvd.

Neither one of them have anything to do with the import car culture.
I know.

Do you know any other import models.
Not really. Sometimes I think they think they know me but they don’t. I have kaila yu’s home address though. She sent me her cd and put her home addess on the envelope by accident. Or was it?

What do you think of augmentations?
Breast implants are great, they make sweaters look great. But to be honest, I think if you buy the right pair of glasses, the enhancement is just as good. And you can put them away when you go to sleep.

Whats your favorite color?
This question is just plain weird. Like who the hell really needs to know that?

Where do you like to shop?
Again, weird, but I can understand where people see what I’m wearing and maybe they want to emulate my greatabulous style of clothes. N-factory for tees, abercrombie & fitch (fuck you google searchers) for sweaters and dickie capris for pants. But just so you know, I bought a pair of tight denim jeans from rampage. They were on sale so I was living the good life. I thought they were black but when I got them outside, they turned out to be this weird green color. Now I look like this antiquated new wave rocker who still worships the flock of seagulls. I can’t return them cuz “all sales are final”.

Sex on the first date?
Unless I met them online, it never happens.

Because I am masochistic and like to drool over amazing cars I will never be able to afford it is my pleasure to point out that the Los Angeles Auto Show begins today.

It’s been said — at least I’ve heard — that Angelenos live in their cars. It sure seems that way, however I still have this ridiculously large rent check to send every month.

The LA Auto Show is always fun and runs until January 11th.

Two dollar off discount coupons are available at participating Chevron stations (I grabbed one a few days ago). Though they are not valid on Saturdays & Sundays 12-4 PM the discount is valid all other hours and days.

If you see security carting off a blonde who insisted on petting and hugging the sports cars — that’s most likely me.

Anyone who is as lazy and disorganized as I am knows — nothing is closer to godliness than having a nice person deliver groceries to your door minutes after you order them.

If you lamented the demise of the dot com perks such as WebVan, Kozmo, (Iíd like to rent that new DVD, get that MP3 player AND have a roast beef sandwich, thank you) and the old more reliable Pink Dot and live in this area you’re in luck.

I was hesitant to order from a company that calls itself ìYummy,î after all Iím not 3 years old anymore despite acting that way sometimes. But desperation got its way.

The service is aptly named. All in the interest of good journalism (*cough*) Iíve ordered sandwiches, fresh vegetables, household items and of course booze. Delivery is timely and I’m especially fond of their salads and sandwiches.

Only downside is that they close at midnight and donít have an internet delivery option. Yet.

But damn, interacting with real live people on the phone wonít kill you.

LA Observed points to Joyrides Without Maps. Seem’s author Joseph Mailander was one of the people on a flight that got cancelled yesterday to LAX because of terrorist fears. Since I just flew around the country a bunch, a lot of his comments we’re very interesting to me. When talking about the not so great security in Leon he says:

“…with gloves on, finger their way through everyone’s personal items… Their main concern seems not to check for weapons but to remove the items from the luggage as carefully as possible, to insert them back into the same space they occupied, in precise order. At this they are masters. But I very much doubt if they could find a hand grenade if it was ticking.”

When I few out of LAX 2 weeks ago that’s about the kind of search my luggage got. In Miami I had to go out of security and then back in (at 4am, after flying all night and walking over a mile to get to a plane leaving from another terminal in under 40 mins, real fun) and they barely looked at my stuff, but made me take my shoes off to walk though the metal detector. Flying back to LA from Tampa just the other day it was a whole different story. Up to that point my stuff, if and when it was searched was done so right in front of me. I saw what they did and didn’t do. In Tampa, I had to drop my bags off at a security check point and they could scan, search, and clear each on on their own. There was no choice here, leave your bags or they don’t fly with you.

When I got them back in LA first thing I noticed was a blue TSA seal on one of the bags. I knew that would be trouble, since that bag, in addition to clothes had a harddrive and some collectable diecast toys in it. The clothes were really the padding for the other stuff. I’d spent a LONG TIME, a REALLY LONG TIME packing that bag very carefully to ensure the safety of the contence. When I opened it there was a note on top saying my locks had been removed for security concerns and they were not responsible for damage to the locks. Well, I didn’t have any locks on it to begin with so WTF? The stuff in the bag looked like it had been dumped out on the floor, riffiled through, and jammed back in with out a single concern. All the stuff from the bottom was on the top, anything that had been folded was now crumpled and smashed in, and all the stuff I’d painstakenly wrapped up was unwrapped and unprotected. The metal harddrive was right up against the outside wall of the bag.

Was it not obvious enough that I’d gone way out of my way to protect this stuff? I’m thinking the people searching it just didn’t give a shit.

Going through the 10 Bazillion messages I got while out of town includes logging into Tribe.Net and reading posts there. While playing around with it this morning I noticed that some of the LA based groups are pretty active. If nothing else, they might be yet another resource for finding things to do. Here’s a couple of the ones with more than one member:

Los Angeles :: Downtown Los Angeles :: North East Los Angeles :: Los Angeles Bloggers :: Flavorpill LA :: Chowhound LA :: Dark Arts Society of LA

W00t! First post of 2004. Other than that, not much eventful really to report on from the new years front. But here’s hoping it goes better than 2003. Which ate a lot of ass from my standpoint anyway.

So.

Um.

Check out The California Commuters Alliance where according to their site they are trying to “make sure our transportation dollars relieve congestion and improve the streets, roads and highways we rely on every day.” and they have all kinds of links and things you can do if you live in places like The Bay Area, Sacramento, Fresno, etc but the only mention of LA is in lines like “Nationwide, the San Francisco-Oakland region ranks second only to Los Angeles for epic traffic jams…” where they talk about how the traffic is almost as bad where ever they are as it is in LA. But no links for us. Guess they figure the traffic in LA is a lost cause.