Ill Adelphia Freedom

As I’m moving at the end of the month so began today the endless online forms and phone calls to credit card companies and magazines and utilities and such changing addresses or transfering service or canceling outright. Thus it was after SBC and The Gas Company and the LADWP that I finally contacted Adelphia to shut off my cable. After enduring several minutes on hold I finally got a live voice who then took down my customer info and inquisitioned me as to why I was daring to discontinue my basic cable programming rather than transfer it to my new address. Nearing the end of the interrogation, the voice resignedly asked me what date I wished to end the relationship.

A reply of “July 31” was met with a stony silence then an “I’m sorry, but we can’t do service shut-offs beyond, uh, July 23.” My unbelieving “Excuse me?” was followed by, “If you want it shut off on July 31, you should call back in a few days… I’d give it a week, week-and-a-half.” Just to make sure I was hearing right, I queried in building incredulity with “You mean big bad Adelphia has its crap so untogether that it can’t even begin to consider flipping my off switch beyond 10 days in advance?” The voice tersely confirmed that. So I told the voice that I was thankful that travel agents and hotels and rental car firms and day spas and call girls and pet groomers and contractors and rock stars have the means of seeing more than 10 days into the future and that Adelphia should try it some time.

caller.jpg“Is there anything else I can help you with today, sir?” The voice squeezed every drop of irony out of “help.”

Well, I’d like to say that I said it would help if Adelphia didn’t have a policy as lame as Duhbya making a campaign stop in Sunset Junction and and that I begged pardon for trying so ignorantly to get an early-bird jump on my move and in that process sooo wasting Adelphia’s time, but I didn’t. Instead I humbly suggested that it might behoove those in its customer service rep corps with half a clue over there in Sri Lanka or Dalmatia or Reykjavik or Idaho to ask that last question first.

“Thanks for calling Adelphia. You have a nice day.”

11 thoughts on “Ill Adelphia Freedom”

  1. That’s really stupid, but you shouldn’t take it out on the person answering the phone – they’re just some poor slob making a low wage answering phones. Start asking for managers, and don’t stop until you get the answer you want. It puts the burdon on someone who can do something about it, and might actually get things changed in the long run.

  2. Just cancel now! I have no cable and I am free! I get zero television channels and a boatload of junk mail begging me to submit to Adelphia’s will…but I shall not! I’m telling you, Will, sign up for Netflix, get high-speed Internet and back away from the television. It was hard at first, but I don’t miss a thing.

  3. Very true Michael but I didn’t have the energy to combat the managerial echelon (especially Adelphia’s) รณ and I have some empathy for those “poor slobs” on the front lines. In fact, I don’t think I really took anything out on the rep I got (at least not to the degree of which I’m capable).

    And Bronwyn, I’m three years a Netflixer and DSLer, but the thought of being cable-less for a week (even though I don’t watch much of the stuff) makes me twitch. I have a long way to get to the freedom you’ve attained.

  4. I’m with Bronwyn: ditch the telly crackpipe and give Adelphia a true f*ck you by canceling your service (and let them know why). You’ll feel better for it. Its like losing 10lbs or kicking a smoking habit…cable is something people convince themselves they and want, but its mostly a waste (especially since you have a Netflix and broadband connection). Worst comes to worst, you can always get cable later.

  5. Don’t get rid of cable – that’s where the good TV is, if anywhere. Getting rid of your television would be like getting rid of your internet connetion or your mailbox…a crazy, reactionary response to something that’s great if you know what you’re looking for =)

  6. Will-

    Wow, you were lucky to even get them on the phone. When we moved into our place about two years ago, and after Direct TV screwed me, we repeatedly tried to get in touch with Adelphia but NOTHING ever happened. So, it’s been two years without the cable and it’s good…more than good…and I’m a TV whore. (Note: I do still go to friends’ house every Sunday to watch Deadwood/Sopranos/Six Feet Under).

  7. Just for the record, my no-TV status was not a reactionary measure; it was a lazy one. I moved and just never bothered to get cable. Then I stopped wanting it. Now I get nothing–not even local network channels because I’m between hills–but I go to a dish-ownin’ friend’s house for any urgent fixes (or Steelers games) or I just wait for the DVDs of any HBO, BBC, etc. series I want to see. If I could choose ONLY the channels I wanted, I’d do it. But you can’t. So I’m not doing it. And honestly, I don’t know where I found the time to watch TV before.

  8. I used to get Adelphia cable Internet. When I split the signal and hooked it up to my tele, I received basic cable free of charge. So, its not that bad of a deal, getting high-speed Internet and 50 channels for $35/month. Is DSL that much better?

  9. When i first moved into my loft, i had three weeks of Adelphia telling me, ‘we’ve got you scheduled for tomorrow between 8 am and 2pm. Luckily my roommate and i were bums and didnt have jobs, so it’s not like we had to take off work to get the shaft, but it was the most frustrating thing i’ve ever experienced. Three weeks, every day we would make an angry phone call, and every day we would be told ‘tomorrow.’ Unfortunately it was not a simple FUCK ADELPHIA thing because in my particular seedy area of the downtown loft district, they were the only internet provider to service our area. Not to mention our rep was very literally a puke-covered-shirt drunk, showing up at our door at 10pm to offer us BS service plans that didn’t exist and telling us his sob story about his family…blah. Then there’s the joy of seeing that advertised and promised $39/month somehow turn into $90/month. I hate Adelphia. I soon canceled, and had to pay a full extra monthb that hadn’t even started yet because I didn’t cancel within the proper window (i had the same poor CS experience), then i had to drive half way to san bernadino (slight exaggeration) to hand return my cable box, rather than the Eagle Rock store that was five minutes away. I hate Adelphia.

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