The New Farmers Tan

capritan.jpgI’m not a sun worshipper. Anyone who has met me can see that though I’m fair skinned and prone to freckles, I’m doing my best to avoid it.

I don’t slather on the sunscreen. I just avoid the daylight.

On those occasions where I do go out, of course there is the hat and the sunscreen. But it happens so rarely, sometimes I forget.

It had been so long, that I discovered that Capri pants have a hidden hazard: I’d never thought that I needed to put sunscreen on my ankles and shins before.

Oh, was I wrong. That photo there – that was taken yesterday, a full week and a day after spending an hour out on the beach. At ten in the morning. (Okay, yeah, it was the solstice but I was in Monterey.)

Yes, I’m embarrassed by the burn. But what’s worse is the fact that, as you can see, my upper shins are unbronzed, uncolored entirely.

What am I supposed to do for the rest of the summer? Stick to capris? It’s gonna get warmer and I’m gonna want to wear shorts. The only thing I can think of right now is to just start wearing UGGs. I have a sneaking suspicion that’s why everyone else does.

9 Replies to “The New Farmers Tan”

  1. Come on… fess up. Them’s grape stains, pure and simple. Couldn’t possibly be sun induced. Rather, you and The Man were stomping a future Merlot up there near Monterey somewhere. Should come right out with some club soda.

  2. Seems like an easy problem to solve…

    1) In a private outdoor location, remove all clothing.
    2) Wrap lower legs in tinfoil to protect them.
    3) Layout in midday sun, turning occasionally.

    Give it about an hour, or until the rest of your body exhibits a bright red glow. Garnish, and serve. Makes 4 helpings.

  3. It’s a great look. I know you suffered to get it, but downright fetching.

    Do you need help peeling? I collect skin.

  4. As a fellow farmer’s tan victim (the ol’ boring T-shirt induced one) I sympathize.

    You could say that it’s an allergic reaction to some medication…

  5. do you stay red or fade to a tan color? there’s always the sunless tanning route to even it out, just until it fades away.

    of course, i once burned the backs of my legs so badly that i had a tan line for 2 years…

  6. As an update, it seems that I’ve been peeling for days now, maybe three layers. What’s underneath is not a tan. Just less pink skin. I suppose when it’s all done, I’ll be the same pale person again, but with freckles on my lower legs.

    I might just start wearing knee socks.

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