Having yet to be affronted by any TV or radio aspects of this recent advertising campaign, I’ve only been able to winter in my discontent of the billboards like the one to the right that have been popping up around town showing a rainbow coalition of sillyslick Barbarella wannabes, each giving obviously well-practiced, arms-length handjobs to huge, erect bottles of an artificially colored, flavored and bubbled beverage ó all the while collectively asking us if we “Want To Fuck?”
What’s that? You say it’s “Wanta Fanta?” As in “Do you want a Fanta?” Well, let’s get bogged down in semantics for a moment and look at “Wanta,” which is similar to “wanna” with both often colloquially used in questions like “Wanta go to the store?” or “Do you wanna ride… ride the white pony?” In formal use either would convert to “want to” as they are modifying the action of the question. It wouldn’t make sense to ask “Want a go to the store?” Neither would it make cent$ for the Coca-Cola Company to greenlight a huge promo blitz featuring four scantily clad women with their legs spread who then only flaccidly ask us if we might like to maybe kinda try their drinks.
Sorry, but there’s no limp queries involved here. The question’s rhetorical and moot having already been answered by that quad-pack of frosted young ho-cakes being pimped by their parent company up there on those billboards. They know it. You know it. “Wanta Fanta?” Of course you do. All four at once.