LORD, HELP ME NOW

So tonight marks the return home of my roommate, who was in East Timor for a civil rights conference. We decided to go out and “get plastered” (as he put it), in celebration. And as is tradition, headed to Benito’s taco stand afterwards for late night yums. Little did we know that crazy shit was about to erupt. When racism rears its ugly head, I get very confused; because it is the year 2004, motherfuckas, how you gonna still be that ignorant?

Asshole #1 marches into the establishment as I’m ordering and starts screaming about how he will pay good money for steak because what he got was “literally shit”. As much as we all doubted that he LITERALLY received excrement in place of his steak burrito, he continued by saying, “I’m not an asshole, really, I just want good steak. I know you’re all lazy, but seriously, I paid $10 for my meal and I want some fucking food!!!” He opened his take-out box and the food was all scrambled (we later saw him drop his second order of food on the ground outside because he was stumbling drunk) and he insisted that they had given him his food like that. So, granted he was drunk, no one says anything (though one of my friends had to sit on her hands and stuff her mouth with food) and the lady at the register got him a new order. All the while, there is another guy waiting at the counter…

Asshole #2 (aka other waiting guy at counter) begins to speak to the lady at the register in broken, badly pronounced spanish, very loudly and slowly, in the most condescending tone imaginable. The lady, who spoke English just fine, is very patient and does not lose her temper, but my friends and I are livid at the disrespect. When he receives his food, he goes to leave, but stops in the doorway and says “You like La Bamba? Yeah, you like La Bamba,” to the lady and the other guy. Then he turns to my table and says/asks the same thing. My friends either ignore him or mutter, “yeah, sure, whatever”. When he asks me, I say no, so he then says, “You’re a communist.”

Because I am Chinese and because he has already exhibited signs that he is a racist bastard, I say, “FUCK YOU.” And he feigns surprise, why am I being so hostile when he was only making conversation? He then starts into a whole slew of racially charged insults, saying that we (my asian friends and I) were “lucky” that he was talking to us, saying, “in evolution, there are a buncha levels. There are monkeys and then there are people like me. One day you’ll realize how lucky you are that I’m even talking to you.” So at this point, my friend Carmina and I are ready to kick some ass. But her boyfriend Jeff gets up and attempts to alleviate the situation, pushing the guy out the door, telling him to leave because he is upsetting everyone. The guy decides to continue yelling racial slurs and other insults at Jeff, while grabbing hold of Jeff’s arm, refusing to let go. At this point, Asshole’s buddy who had been waiting in a cab, runs out to pull the two apart. Carmina and I also run up, and I pull Jeff away (as he is also ready to kick ass). Asshole and I are in each other’s faces as the buddy attempts to get me away and pull him to the cab. He finally succeeds as I’m about to lose my shit and they exit.

So, dear readers, what the fuck? Granted Asshole was very likely inebriated, but he was completely coherent and ridiculously condescending and racist. (*note, I was completely sober as I was the designated driver) It is 2004, there are (legal!) segregated proms in the South, guys whose cars get bombed in Huntington Beach because they are black, assholes who go into Mexican restaurants and say, “I know you’re all lazy, but…”, and motherfuckers who think they can talk shit to a coupla *poor helpless little asian* girls without there being consequences. My hands were shaking for ten minutes afterwards from anger (and adrenaline that had nowhere to go).

There should have been a beat down tonight.

14 Replies to “LORD, HELP ME NOW”

  1. >There should have been a beat down tonight.

    Well, that’s the comment that I was going to post. I don’t understand how people like that live in Los Angeles. If you’re a racist prick, why live in one of the most mixed up melting pots in the country? I guess common sense doesn’t really come included with moron-osity.

  2. Wait, you’re not a commie? You learn something new each day.

    But seriously, that sucks major horse nuggets. You just leave the situation feeling super angry and helpless. People who argue racism is a thing of the past just don’t get it…it regularly rears its ugly head even at a taco stand (or in an issue of Details). I guess he hates the people but likes their food? Its all in those sly comments they test the waters with, but when they get called out, they show their true colours. I had the same thing happen (up in San Francisco numerous times in total suburban San Carlos and quite a few times in the Valley down here. My whole time visiting Texas? Gracious and polite manners from the locals. Go figure.

  3. DOOD! White people in nature.

    melissa and I have been totally attacked at santa monica blvd. benito’s too!

    It was winter and melissa lived only 1 block away so we just threw on some jackets and scarves over our clothes to get some tortillas. Inside benito’s there were 3 sunburned, drunk, aged jock rockers slobbering over some scrambled up combo plates.

    I didnít hear the first comment but I guess when we walked in one of the sunburned, drunk, aged jock rockers stopped slobbering over his scrambled up steak and sour cream combo plate to comment to melissa, “androgynous, duhhut, I hate the androgynous look.”

    We ordered 3 flour tortillas and moved over to the opposite corner of the restaurant. I whispered to melissa that she wasnít allowed to wear 2 hooded garments at the same time because it was too punk rock. At this comment a whole slew of guffaws and, “duhuhut, punk rock, blahhh, they are punk rock, blharrharhar”, “hahahaha PUNK ROCK!!! PUNK!!! PUNK ROCK!!!”, ìmahahahaha!, punk rock, punkers, punk rockî comments came from the 3 sunburned, drunk, aged jock rockers.

    Melissa and I both fell silent and began regarding the tops of each otherís shoes. My shoes had some sticky tea stains on them and holes on the sides where my feet were starting to bulge out. Melissaís shoes had a stamp that said ìtri-pakî and jack-o-lantern laces.

    When we looked up to get our tortillas one of the sunburned, drunk, aged jock rockers called me a eurofag because I was scarved and commented on melissa’s eurodykeness stemming from her shortness of hair. We were sure we were going to have to run (because we are not hard core street fighter v.2.3s like my homie jeff).

    Melissa wanted to spit on them. I wanted to clear their table with one hand while hosing them off with the 44oz. horchata in my other hand charles bronson style. Instead we just went home and talked about all the things we could have done… like shanking them in their sunburned necks with benitoís plastic steak knives or chopping off their heads with lightsabers and stuff.

    I guess in a way they were really complimenting us though. If melissa was a cheer leading, sunburned, fried out bottle blonde with big assed silicone titties popping out of her quicksilver halter top, a ruffled miniskirt, ugg boots and some tribal barbed wire tattooed around her ripped biceps, and if I was some fake tanned overly musculated OC water polo bro with a post-jessica gao jockhawk, fresh american pride red, white and blue tattoo, full hurley ensemble, rocking the sublime from out in my super sized 6î lifted SUV, neon on underneath pulsating to the beat, then we could have gotten some steak and sour cream combo plates to swirl into swill while sitting with 3 subhuman sunburned, drunk, aged jock rockers telling people that they are ìluckyî ìWEî even talked to them because they are white and know what punk rock really is.

    If by lucky they mean that we get to observe white people in nature, then yeah, as sociologists, we are ìluckyî I guess.

  4. “If by lucky they mean that we get to observe white people in nature, then yeah, as sociologists, we are ìluckyî I guess.”

    Hey, I’m a “White people” too, so don’t lump me in with drunken fratboy shitheads like that. But I guess I don’t count, since i’m one of “the good ones.”

    Racism is racism, even if you’re taking about honkeys.

  5. I don’t understand how people can act like that. I try and understand people’s different perspectives, but I just cannot wrap my head around the ignorance and rudeness that this asshat and asshats like him display. It also freaks me out when white people think it is okay to say racist shit to me about people of other races just because I’m white. Just because my skin is light does not mean I am as close-minded and ignorant as racist pieces of shit like these guys.

    I am also amazed that you did not punch asshat #2. I admire your restraint. I would have stabbed him in the eye with a fork.

  6. Jamesinger – he didn’t call you a “eurofag” he said “you’re a fag”

    kat- I kinda like it when people say shit to me, it’s like I have a secret pass into their world that if I wasn’t white I wouln’t even know, which makes it that much better when I tell them what fucks they are. I like knowing peoples true colors.

  7. Jessica, I can’t believe that shit. I wish I was there to squirt hot sauce in their eyes. And now an inspirational story of an analogous instance: My little half-asian brother recently attended a UCLA frat party. While his friends were outside smoking, a belligerent white bully swiped a bottle of Jack from an asian boy, and began making loud jokes about asians. Immediately, my brother walks right up in the middle of the guy’s group, facing him but saying nothing. The guy starts laughing and tries to play it off saying “aw, it’s cool, I’m just joking, you and me are homies” and puts his arm around my brother, who aggresively knocks the arm away and says “never fucking touch me”. They exchange words, the guy pushes my brother, another guy throws beer on my brother who grabs the beer-throwers shirt and knockes him completely unconscious. Another guy tries to kick my brother who grabs him and throws several solid punches to his face before people pull them apart. Then the group of racist jock assholes got kicked out of the party and strangers poured my brother drinks all night. Hooray. As opposed as I am to violence in general, I am so proud of my loose-cannon brother for standing up to a racist bully and posse. And it couldn’t hurt that he’s a tae-kwon-do black belt. It’s depressing how common it is that we all have run-ins with outspoken ignorant racist fools like these. Cheers to those who do something about it.
    PS: hey COOP, it may not matter but the Jamesinger guy who posted about ‘white people’ is as honkey as they come too, blond, blue-eyed.

  8. I wasn’t pissed about his comments, I just hate to see a discussion of some very ugly assholish behavior turn into generic whitey-bashing. If it had been a bunch of Black guys doing the same thing, I doubt that I’d see anybody here saying “Those n—-rs all suck!” I hope most everyone of all shades would be pissed by that kinda shitty behavior.

    And to ask another question, is it okay to make disparaging remarks about a race or group, if it’s your own?

    Of course, you’re totally correct to tar all fratboys with the same brush. They DO all suck.

  9. sorry that happend to you all. it seems like you always lose when you’re a victim of a hate crime. if you fight you look like the asshole and the racist bastard won’t learn shit cause he’s a dookie head anyway. and if you don’t fight back, you feel like you didn’t defend yourself. (well that’s how i’ve felt in the past) the commie idea doesn’t seem so bad when you are forced to feel powerless.

  10. Sean- well, dude, it’s gonna be another 5 weeks until I’m a ninja! These things take time… like WEEKS.

    Typefart- DUH, I’m a commie, but Mr. Asshole’s not allowed to make that assumption. Unless I’m wearing full Mao garb AND have a hammer and sickle tattooed on my forehead (coming soon!).

    COOP- I agree, it’s often difficult but very important to separate “whitey” from fratboy.

    Caryn- Sorry sorry! You know I no have good memory, me just clean you gallery, ok, lady?

    J5- Man, I think I’m just gonna forget not trying to look like the asshole because I still get kinda mad thinking about the whole thing. So what have I learned from all this? Hit him first, then talk politics.

  11. Yum Benitos. Man I could use an horchata right now. Your story is depressing. If it makes you feel better, I had a weird New Zealand experience soon after I arrived here when this beefy Kiwi started blabbing at me in a pub about me being obviously Jewish and asking me about New York and diamonds and some shit. Luckily, he soon became fascinated by the flashing exit sign in the corner of the room and left me alone. The upside is that this weekend I went tramping with three German exchange students that look like poster models for Hitler’s Youth Brigade and we get along swell! So you just never know…

  12. These stories all suck (not the story, just what happened to everyone) so i’m going to share some happy stories about being asian. So my sister got married on Saturday to a Vietnamese guy and my dad wanted help writing a speech in english for the reception. he was reading it to me when he got to the part that said “although we are all orientals…” and i was like “dad thats so cool you called us oriental, but maybe you should call us asians, at least for this speech in front of 500 people.” and he’s like “oh is oriental what white people call us?” okay i thought that was funny. second, my mom had to give a speech in english for the traditional ceremony and she was all nervous because she’s been in the United States for 27 years but doesnt really know any English, so the night before the wedding she stayed up late practicing and i woke up in the middle of the night to her repeating over and over, in a very timid and insecure voice, “i wish for alice and cung to be happy…” it was really cute. i love asian mommies!

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