Sad Christmas

So my friend from Chicago is in town and after a fine meal at In & Out (even tho the food is laced with Christian propaganda. Except the fries which is a good thing… Satan fries give balance to the meal.) we went to Hollywood Billiards. A fine establishment for the most part. Or at least it used to be. They have a great set of pool tables and a great jukebox along with a fine selection of lagers and spirits. We generally engage in a sport known as juke-blocking where we put in enough songs to cover our entire stay so we don’t get any crap like Michael Jackson or Yanni. Well tonight we were stopped dead in our tracks when, after about half of our paid tenure on said box of juke came to a screeching halt when “Billy Jean” emanated through the hall of pool. After a brief chit chat with our bar wenchie (who also prescribes the practice of juke-blocking) we were told that we were S.O.L. and that they now have a (very shitty and inexperienced chick) D.J. on Saturdays and that our cash was forfiet. Crap we cried! Bullshit shouted the people! We were placated with 1 beer knocked off our tab and a firm “behave” slap from the man. Crappity crap crap. Hollywood Billiards (not linked here because we doth protest) used to be a haven of all that is good and right in the world. Namely pool and hooch but not so much the hoochies. But be forewarned that all ye who enter shall abandon their musical taste at the door and be subjected to endless tunes by that filthy child toucher. Statement or not I do not want to be subjected to that crap when I’m on the money shot. So we cleansed out palates with a screening of the Pirates of the Carribean DVD at our brother Tim Gore’s place. I had not seen the film so imagine my surprise when it pretty much ruled the oceans. I’m still pretty FUCKING (yeah that’s for our heckler) giddy from it. Never has the word “PIRATE” evoked such joy. My best friend is a pirate so I hear it often but he has been bested by the Deppster. Please don’t let any enterprising software geek write a Deppster client for P2P (Pirate to Pirate) communication. Although it may be kinda novel. Off to bed to listen to Snow Crash (I love my audible.com subscription) and dream of a better LA where a Man can play pool like a Man and not be subjected to 80’s child toucher tunes.

4 Replies to “Sad Christmas”

  1. and i thought i was the only one reading the in and out fine print! what is up with that?? it’s frightening. and why not on the fries???

  2. I actually cracked a Bible once to check the reference on the hamburger wrapper. Something about eating dinner with God. As Christian propaganda goes, In’n’Out’s isn’t so bad – it’s politely unobtrusive, and the hamburger verse is apropos even if the soda cup is not.

  3. I wasn’t aware of the Dr. Bronners’ ripoff labeling strategies, but I always go there with sinners, late at night, so we just kind of even out the hell and damnation quotient. But OMG, have you tried ordering “the protein” — just a straight up burger, wrapped in lettuce, for lowcarb fools like me. Fucking awesome!

  4. Indeed I have! It was one of the underground styles a few years ago but most all of us low carbers know aobut it now. Jesus be damned! I still love my IN&OUT!

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